Does this thick, horrifying, irrational, ranting, hideous New York shrieking accent remind you of anyone? She begs to stay and they let her, but everyone ends up hating her anyway and she gets booted off the show and leaves sobbing, broken and misunderstood which *also* reminds me of someone...

I do my best, but you know what?

"Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink." -Charles Bukowski



I consorted with pigs. AGAIN. Nonetheless, I am back on my buggy and trotting along the high road with both aplomb and grace. Do you like my parosol?

God, tacky fucking bitch. Go play with Autumn.

Can you hear them
They talk about us
Telling lies
Well, that's no surprise

Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
No secrets to reveal

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed

There's a weapon
That we must use
In our defense
Silence reveals

When you look at them
Look right through them
That's when they'll disappear
That's when we'll be feared

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed

Give no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway
Our lips are sealed

Hush, my darling
Don't you cry
Quiet, angel
Forget their lies

Can you hear them
They talk about us
Telling lies
Well, that's no surprise

Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
No secrets to reveal

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed

Pay no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway
Our lips are sealed
Our lips are sealed
Our lips are sealed

but never, ever been a blue calm sea, I have always been a storm.

"Why you all in my ear talking a whole buncha shit that I ain't trying to hear? Get back mafucka, you don't know me like that!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxra2Nn7K9Y

Mine are all in a sleeper cell of unemployed, government check collecting, "can't handle my job because everybody hate my mentally ill ass", emotionally disturbed cray cray and I strive not only for for more, but a better quality of hater, because mine are just SAD.



"When you know it is, bitch..."

That is all.

I put a green bathmat in the laundry with what was apparently too many towels, etc- and when I went to turn it over the machine was queelfing in outrage and I opened it to find that the bathmat had been SHEARED during the wash and EVERYTHING was covered in fluffy little green fur. I wrestled the mat out and untwisted all of the wet towels; it was the hottest mess ever-fuzzy green plastic hairs everywhere. I shook out all the (wet, unwashed) laundry, wiped out 3 Himalayan cats worth of green fuzz from the machine, set the (mat-free) load back to washing and swept up a MUPPET MURDER SCENE of green fuzzy synthetic merkin.

It took, like, an hour. There are still fluffy green pubes everywhere in spite of my efforts. I just-there are no words. There are just no words. I kepy muttering to myself that ridiculous things like this happen all the time and chanted Snoop Dogg all, "This typa shit happens ever-y day" so as to keep on keeping on and Jesus held my (green fur-covered) hand, but it was very trying.

http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html

And yes, This means me, too.

I'm not giving mine up or anything, but seriously? I have had nothing but bad experiences (which I have fully contributed to)with regards to interpersonal relationships that are conceived via the interwebs.

There are exceptions, but for the most part it's, "OMG-I met this person who totally gets me! We're BFF!" And you're all up in each other's grille and friends 4-eva and then an argument (something that, before the internet, could be resolved by two bitches ignoring each other for a few days until one of them gets bored and cuts the shit) turns into an EPIC BATTLE with Facebook Status Updates complete with people that know your dirtiest, darkest secrets mocking you along with other people you had lost along the way with regards to the same bullshit, and hate emails, and public libel and slander and threats and "harassment logs" and Police Reports, and murder threats, and threats of exposure of affairs and employee ruin, and evil texts, and prank calling and people making their boyfriends email you to leave them alone while secretly instigating more shit and everyone acting like insane vigilantes and calling for witnesses and justice and vengeance and people to hear your pain and really, just....enough.

I'm crazy. I have an open heart. It makes me attract crazy people. This has cost me dearly, because I end up fighting with these bullshit bitches and I should. not. engage. And I have a hard time not engaging. I am a Berserker, I am smart, I am wily, I know the legal system, I know how to twist the knife, and I feel I MUST BE HEARD. These are issues I need to work on.

I do not need to be heard. What I need to do is stop expecting people I meet over the internet to act right (Pigdouche this means you) , and I need to STOP using the internet (and technology in general) to fight with said bullshit bitches. It makes it so fucking easy to be far uglier than you ever could have imagined yourself being, and it escalates and escalates and escalates, and suddenly you find yourself the target of cyber-bullying and a grass roots class action suite against yourself for having made a joke that did not go over well with the wrong (30+ year old) person.


I have never fought with people like this in my life until I was introduced to cyberspace. It makes it far too easy. You get so fucking invested. It just- it just doesn't help. Everyone acts the God damned fool and for what? At the end of the day, you have to face yourself and your own nastiness. You have to look at yourself, your actions, your betrayals, your REACTIONS, and you have to feel just GROSSED OUT for having let these people, these strangers into your life, and allowed yourself to engage in such dirty, dirty pool.

I can't do it anymore. I won't. The automatic sense of intimacy the internet offers is false intimacy, and it fucks with you. Therefor, I have majorly pared down my Eljay FL as well as my Facebook Friends list and I am not opening my life up to strangers anymore. If you are here, you are not a stranger. You are a friends of the heart who has proven your worth by sticking by my during incredible turbulance (most of which I contributed to) or you are actual "Real Life" friends. I am happy to have you here, but G-d! If we get into a fight, let's turn off our computers for three days because the intwerbebs make us all act like crazy fucking assholes.

LOVES.

Bob Dylan's poetry sums up the recent denouement of many false friendships, as well as putting the nail in several I have lost along the way. Fuck if, you couldn't hang when I needed you, you don't get *any* of this awesome, and that is no one's loss but your own. Find Peace. be Well. Good Bye.






You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning

You got a lotta nerve
To say you gota helping hand to lend
You just want to be on
The side that's winning

You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it

You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it

I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd
You're in with

Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it

When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it

No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them

And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you

I joined Twitter.
Jemisoutrageous / blackdahlilah@yahoo.com / Melissa David.
Come find me.

(Also, how do I respond to other people's Tweets? Help!)

That is all.

To Ping_win and her blushing bride!!!
YAY!

"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it."

(See also, "The more you cry, the less I care.")


As I grow older and realize more and more what I want from my life and my friends, and as I continue to pare my friendships down, I have discovered that these are the things I deem necessary in someone I am going to allow into my life and into my heart.

HONESTY, above all else. Once you've lied to me, you are dead to me, and when you lie to yourself, you are dead inside, and I can't have people like that in my life.
maturity
responsibility
ability to handle one's own shit
ability to OWN one's own shit
consistency
bravery
independence
a lack of neediness
a lack of pettiness
the ability to go against the herd
not a user
not a thief
comfort, the ability to give, have given, and to be comfortable with me
joy
self-reliance
forgiveness
a lack of judgement, especially hidden judgement, which is a hideous disservice to the friendship you are supposed to be honoring
a lack of bullshit
kindness
balls
supportiveness, but not if it is supporting something that will hurt me, or something that you support in order for me to support the same self-hurting behavior in you
ability to do kindness for others without keeping score in your mind of said kindnesses in order to throw in the other person's face
laughter
a lack of competition
respect
a lack of threats
loving me when I'm most unlovable (even if you don't like me right then)
someone who will neither enable me nor expect me to enable them
emotional growth
a lack of fronting
not entitled
a lack of selfishness
grounded in reality (no, really, I have had to unload a ton of straight up batshit crazy this summer and I am fully serious.)
ability to focus on what's "real" vs. what's "ridiculous"
compassionate
not full of shit
the ability to learn from your mistakes, even if you keep making the same ones over and over again
some sort of fucking effort
while not being a stalker
upfront enough to officially dump me instead of hiding my Facebook feed and ignoring me (I can take it.)
hospitable (the invitations I have received vs. the people whose asses were on my chairs eating my food is pitiful)
generous
and, obviously, hilarious.



I am so very grateful for the people who I am honored to have in my life that meet this criteria. I am loved. And I love. And that is all.

Mo-lissa & Mr, "Whisk Me Away" forever.

Thanks so much for the, "oooh, honey be delusional as all fuck" laugh.

Cheers!

This is why I have stayed the fuck AWAY from OKCupid.

[8:51:08 pm]TurkishAvalon:you are hot

[8:51:20 pm]Jemisoutrageous: hey,thanks.

[8:51:45 pm]TurkishAvalon:it makes no sense to be gentlemen like here

[8:51:52 pm]TurkishAvalon:you are really hot

[8:51:55 pm]TurkishAvalon:and you know it

[8:53:14 pm]TurkishAvalon:why you dont answer?

[8:53:50 pm]TurkishAvalon:you are stupid if you dont answer

[8:54:40 pm]Jemisoutrageous: Um, darling? I was on the phone and didn't get your message. But to call me stupid makes me not want to chat with you.

[8:54:43 pm]Jemisoutrageous:Goodbye.

[8:54:59 pm]TurkishAvalon:I didnt call you stupid

[8:55:40 pm]TurkishAvalon:there is no reason to be hysterical

[8:56:08 pm]TurkishAvalon:why are you having such a problem with your temper?

[8:56:36 pm]TurkishAvalon:you should change if you want to get to know interesting people

[8:56:50 pm]TurkishAvalon:behaving like a wild witch will lead you nowhere

[8:56:53 pm]TurkishAvalon:;)